It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
