Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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