There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This baby is an asshole
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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