haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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