evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
