actually, I'm a sock model
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
