This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
