i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
