____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
