I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
