now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
