Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
