Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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