saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this just has baby written all over it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
