the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
