whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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