lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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