Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
