I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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