3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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