I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
