Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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