Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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