I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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