i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
