I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
