My first STD was from a foam party
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
