Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize