Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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