Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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