Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
