how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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