Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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