Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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