the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
