I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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