the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
