he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
