Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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