nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
