i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
