We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
