dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet he comes in French.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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