I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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