I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
