Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
