Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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