Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
