he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
