She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
