He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
