My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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