You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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