Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
